The beginning of what tomorrow will bring

I have so many decisions to make, about where to go from here. Do I wanna go back to school? Maybe put the training and hours into competing and try to make the team for World Equestrian games, Paralympics 2016? Where do I wanna go from here?

Strange how things happen for a reason, even though I hate it when it happens, and my questions always will come up like, Why? How? Where? but I am getting better at letting go. 

When we was managing the barn, with all this people and all this horses, I never took the time to feel and think about tomorrow, everything was about pleasing people that can't be pleased to 100% no matter what you do, and the feeling about becoming a robot was often real. Just do, don't feel, just do, don't think. People that really know me, know that for every day it make me exist but it sure don't make me live.

So looking back it was a blessing, that we had to rework our contract with the owner, and the horse owners found reasons, like I was competing, We wasn't there, the hay wasn't good enough, the horses wasn't out enough, then they wasn't in enough, so to end it all we decided to move on.

That gave me time, time to start to think and feel again, and looking back, after all that happened, it was a true blessing.

I was sick, my blood values was BAD, i had no iron, and was very anemic and on top of that I had hypoxemia, my lvl was 11mm Hg ( it is serious when it gets under 60mm Hg) so in so many ways we found the source for my low level of energy, my mode  swings, ( I could go from wanting to cry, scream to laugh in seconds for now reason) So the doctors decided to find out how to deal with this and try to fix it, back to IV's with iron and removing my uterus.

Finally approved for surgery another surprise for the doctor, he found a tumor behind my uterus, size of a grapefruit,  but luckily it was removed and everything is fine. Just required some more resting, more time to think and here I am.

I have to decide what to do, because I can't have it all, the time will not allow me to do it all, because someone would have to pay the price for me trying to do both and they don't deserve me never have time for them.

I am looking into different college now, and I would like to start with Criminal Justice and maybe go on to law school, or i will go for the competing and do it 100%

So at least this time has made it down to 2 different choices, and that is where i am today.

So this is and will be my place for thoughts about what to choose, where to go, and how to be ready for tomorrow. Have a great day, enjoy what you have but never forget to dream!!!!